


Confusions

by I_Gave_You_Fair_Warning



Series: Obitine Week 2018 [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Had You Said The Word I Would Have Left the Jedi Order, Heavy Angst, Just angst, NO DEATH, ObiTine Week, ObitineWeek2018, angsty ending, no violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 19:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16125491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Gave_You_Fair_Warning/pseuds/I_Gave_You_Fair_Warning
Summary: Obi-Wan just wants so desperately much for Satine to ask him to be hers.





	Confusions

 

“What is going on between your aunt and my grandmaster?” Ahsoka asked, as soon as she managed to corral Korkie into an alcove where they wouldn't be overheard.

Obi-Wan and the Duchess were dancing, and every eye in the room would stray to them, in spite of their owners dancing too, because  _these two_ were so perfect and graceful as they spun and stepped, as if they had danced together for hours in practice.

Ahsoka wasn't really into watching dancing, and even  _she_ could tell they were  _really good,_ and really mesmerizing to watch.

She'd lost a good seven minutes of time and she really had no idea what had happened in those seven minutes.

Which is why she had fled and dragged Korkie out with her.

“What is going on between them?” Korkie echoed, looking smacked in the face. “ _Nothing,_ is what.”

Ahsoka crossed her arms and scowled. “What do you mean,  _nothing_ ?  _The Clones_ seem to think your aunt is my grandmaster's girlfriend. They seem to think this based on  _Anakin's authority._ ”

“I mean  _nothing._ They're desperately in love, anyone with  _eyes_ can see it, and it's been that way for as long as I can remember, some of my earliest memories are of the bedtime stories Auntie would tell of  _my '_ Uncle Ben.'”  
“You have an uncle named Ben?”  
“No, I _don't,_ and I never had. It's your Master Kenobi, that's who  _Ben_ is, and there's a whole year's worth of crazy exploits and  _near death_ wildness that kept me entertained growing up! He's been tortured and wooed and danced and wounded and fought side-by-side with my aunt for a whole year while they were just a little older than you and I, and from the stories his loyalty to her was absolute, and then.... he was just gone. And now they're out  _there,_ because it's a political party and it's appropriate, and they're dancing the night away as if it hadn't been seventeen years of being apart.”

_Is Master Obi-Wan is worried about attachment?_

Was it possible that he loved Satine Kryze  _so much_ that he feared being too close to her? That he did not trust himself to remain impartial, to remain  _good,_ should some unforeseen choice be thrown upon him?

But Jedi who grew attached and wanted to  _stay that way,_ left the Order. They retained ties of friendship and respect— like Dooku before Geonosis— but then they were free to swear whatever oath to their beloved that they wanted, or start a family.

_If he loves her that way, why hasn't he left for her?_

Surely Anakin would not hate him for it, and the Jedi Order sure wouldn't. The Order wasn't a cage, and it was a difficult life. Not everyone put in decades of pain and toil, and even if Obi-Wan had simply given his padawan years, that alone had accomplished so much  _good_ in the galaxy, and no one would have begrudged him rest from all of that labor.

_Uncle Ben, huh?_

 

* * *

 

“You should go to her.” It was late, Anakin and Obi-Wan retired to their room in the palace. “You don't have to wait for me to fall asleep to sneak out.”

“I'm not going, Anakin.”

Well, at least he wasn't pretending he had no idea what Anakin was talking about. That was an improvement.

“Why? The Order has no rules about sex. Does she have a code of ethics not allowing it?”

“No.”

“Then if you're both free, and you're not breaking either conscience, then just  _be with her,_ Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan sat down on his bed and shook his head, staring at the floor.

“ _Come on,_ Obi-Wan. Is it because you're scared? If you get any more committed to her, you might have to make a life with her? Is being happy  _so scary,_ for you?”

“You think  _I'm_ the reason I haven't left the Order.” Obi-Wan shook his head. “Why shouldn't you? It fits your perception of me in all the right ways. And helps feed some of that resentment you hide away, too. Yes, I see it. But I don't really care right now.” He sounded so...  _sad..._

Anakin's mind reeled, just a bit, and then he sat down on the bed opposite and leaned forward, trying to catch Obi-Wan's gaze. “Hey?”  
“Leaving the Order is not something unfathomable to me, Anakin. I did it when I was fourteen, to fight a specific war, and I nearly did it again when  _you_ considered leaving at age twelve. I would have gone with you, kept teaching you what I could, made sure you were safe. But you made up your mind to stay before I could tell you so, and you were so emphatic that you didn't want to speak of it again, that I didn't bring it up.”

Anakin's throat went dry.  _What?_

“I'd just turned twenty when it was time for Qui-Gon and I to leave Mandalore. I would have stayed, I all but begged her to let me... but she did not give the word. And she still hasn't, through all these years, though I love her  _so much._ The day say she says yes, I'm leaving. So perhaps you should prepare for that. Though... if she hasn't changed her mind in seventeen years... there might not be much danger of it happening.”

Anakin couldn't believe his ears. “Okay. But Padmé told me no too, at first, a lot, and I just kept trying, and she finally agreed.”

Obi-Wan sent him a sideways look. “I will not badger her into allowing me to be her consort. I want to be... chosen. Once every long while, I reaffirm that where I stand regarding her has not changed, that I am still just waiting, if she would just give me the smallest indication... I did again, on the ship, after you first met her. She always looks at me like I'm giving her the world... but I cannot make a relationship out of nothing, and unless she gives me a _reason_ to leave, I will stay with the Order. I love it too much to throw what I have there away for something she won't even tell me she wants. Maybe... maybe she doesn't want it.”

“If she refuses to get over whatever it is holding her back, then she is a fool.”

“There are many things about the woman I love that I only vaguely understand, but this one thing I know: she is no fool. But I hope someday...” Obi-Wan let out a shaky breath. “Perhaps after the war.”

Anakin watched him and felt an awful sadness. “Okay,” he said at last. “But do one thing for me. Before we leave, take her into an empty room, lock the door, and tell her  _again._ Use different words this time. And  _ask her to ask you._ Get down on your knees. Please.”

“That might bring me to tears.”

_Tears are good. They might work!_ “Do it anyway. For me.”  _For yourself._

“Alright,” Obi-Wan whispered. “Alright.”

 

 


End file.
